Have you truly seen the last of Zara?

Published Work, Short Stories

Find out tomorrow, when the new edition of Why We Are Here will be released on Amazon.


Rendered entirely new, the special (1 year) Birthday Edition will bring you that bonus chapter you’ve waited for for so, so, long. And who knows at this point, you might even catch a glimpse of Zara. Are you down for the ride? Order Why We Are Here tomorrow on Amazon! ❤

Mercy Ferrars


3,5 Monate ins neue Jahr!

Press & Media, Published Work

Dreieinhalb Monate sind ins Jahr gezogen – was ist seither passiert?
Momentan liegen zwei große Projekte auf meinem Schreibtisch, wovon das eine mit einer wundervollen Deadline versehen und das andere ein laufendes Projekt verbleibt.

FF Mag – Ferrars & Fields Magazine


Das Ferrars & Fields Magazine haben wir im Februar 2019 ins Leben gerufen. Im Augenblick sind wir noch eine kleine, 2-köpfige Redaktion, und sind noch auf der Suche nach weiteren Autoren. Wir schreiben über kulturrelevante Themen, die sich gleichermaßen nach künstlerischen Interpretationen von Kultur als auch um aktuelles Zeitgeschehen richten.
Das FF Mag findest du unter http://ferrarsandfields.wordpress.com. Wir freuen uns auf deinen Besuch!

Sonderedition von “Why We Are Here” – ab April 2019!

Am 17. April 2018 habe ich meinen Roman “Why We Are Here” als erstes selbstveröffentlichtes Werk auf Amazon veröffentlicht. Nun, ein Jahr später, bin ich dabei, das Cover und Backcover neu zu designen. Außerdem schreibe ich momentan an einem Bonuskapitel, zu dem ich noch nicht zu viel verraten mag, außer dass es vermutlich zeitgleich zum Epilog handeln wird.
Die neue Fassung des Romans wird ab Mitte April als 1-Jahres-Sonderedition auf Amazon erhältlich sein. Am besten folgt ihr meinem Instagram, um sofort über neuste Updates Bescheid zu wissen.

Bis bald,

eure Mercy Ferrars 

On the Anxiety of Publishing and why I still do it.

Press & Media, Psychology/Philosophy, Published Work

Hey there,

I hope you’ve had a brilliant start into 2k19, full of promises,hopes and wishes come true.
For my part, I’ve decided to let 2k19 become my year of production and activity in terms of writing. While my poetry collection is in the making and the plotting for my next novel continues, I’ve had the desire to publish meanwhile – and to let it be rather academical this time.
See, I’ve had these papers I wrote for uni lying around for ages, as does each of my fellow students. I do think however that we’ve put so much energy in these texts, so much dedication, time and focus; wouldn’t it be a shame if only our professors got to read it? That is, if they’re good and readable, of course. That’s up for you to decide, I reckon, but after a friend of mine told me about her published essays, I played around with the thought for a while, too. At first I decided against it. There was a certain anxiety in the thought of publishing essays, since they are a completely different type of exposure than what I’m used to.
See, when I publish novels and other creative texts, of course, each time I’m anxious, too. Will my writing reach people? Will people want to read more? Will people be disappointed or annoyed? It’s just such a vulnerability we’re showing as publishing authors. I’ve published 100% of my inner life, thoughts and feelings, for ages over a blog that’s mostly unknown to my friends and acquaintances nowadays, and I do my best to keep it that way, because it’s just the overly personal and dramatic emotional rollercoaster of a teenager. During that time, however, I knew that the people reading me where the ones who loved my writing and identified themselves with my ideas and thoughts and feelings and experiences, so it didn’t feel like being vulnerable to the public; rather like connecting with strangers and finding beauty in that.
But to actually put a book out there? To price it and thus define its worth? That’s different. It’s not just my thoughts and feelings any longer, it’s a craft, a craft which I haven’t fully mastered yet and will probably only do so after tons of years of practice. Even though my writing is still defined by emotional focus and streams of consciousness, now it’s also my storycrafting, my plotting and my worldbuilding that’s out there in the world for people to judge.
When I selfpublished my first novel, I was insanely nervous. I thought nobody would even buy it, thus neglecting its worth before others could do it. I told myself not to have any expectations, to just see it as a milestone of my life, and to make it about my opinion, not others. It doesn’t fully work that way, though. Almost a year later I am fully convinced I’ve written a first novel I’d totally read myself, which is the biggest compliment I could make myself; but even more importantly, it was a first novel (at least my first novel with professional intention; I’ve written two others before that I just can’t let anyone read because they’re too personal). Being a first novel implies it’s just the beginning of one’s journey of storycrafting, that there’s a lot to learn, a lot of mistakes that will be made, but which will only be made through the process of publishing and facing public opinion.

You see, publishing academic essays is a whole other level. I’m asking myself many questions, such as: Is my writing style professional and objective enough? Do I at times fall back into storytelling and mess it up? Are my arguments interesting and complex enough to form a thesis that is credible? How do I come across, my opinions, my logic, my knowledge?
When I say “I’m writing”, what I usually mean, is, I write novels and emotional short stories and poetry flooded with feelings; what I usually don’t mean is, I write academic papers for uni – because everybody does it, so it’s not special, right? – or I write newspaper articles – because those don’t really have impact on people – ecetera. But that limits one’s own portfolio down to one literary genre. I’m just thinking, maybe we should get rid of these limitations we impose on ourselves. Let’s write and publish what we want, let’s explore every genre, every literary form of text, and let’s not shame ourselves into questioning our thoughts, motives and feelings, just because they’re out there for people to grab instead of being locked in our own heads where they can’t be held accountable.

“Normativity & Ideology” is the first volume in a, probably, 3 book essay collection, out there in all its vulnerability for you to grab and judge. It is available via Amazon as a paperback I’ve definitely had fun designing (because non-fictional texts can be aesthetic too, aye?), as an ebook and is part of Kindle Unlimited and free for you to read if you’ve signed up for the programme.

If you like, let me know your thoughts via my contact form!

See you soon —

Mercy Ferrars

Deconstructing the Given: Normativity & Ideology. (2019)
Essays on Identity and Construction
MF Essays, Band 01

„Normativity & Ideology“ contains two essays picking up on the idea of a fabricated social identity of the individual but also of social groups, as presented by different scholars. It therefore analyses normativity as a technique of power in a socio-cultural sense; and it further analyses the ideological construction of social groups through newspapers in a linguistic approach. It brings together ideas of popular scholars such as Judith Butler, Jerome Bruner, Michael Foucault or Paul Baker.

Englisch, 103 Seiten

KU Free | 9,99€ | 9,99€ on Amazon


And eventually, even the hardest and weirdest of years close their doors


As the old year ended 14 and a half hours ago, I was watching “The Great Gatsby” with my dogs beside me curled up in their dog beds, as we tried to give them company through the hardest night of the year a dog can have.
As every year, I reflected on the human desire to tell the old year Goodbye using rituals such as fireworks, and how we as a species long for this calendar given chance of a new start. Because that’s literally what it is – feeling validated by our calendars to finally hit up that gym we’ve been paying for for 12 months, to finally get more creative, to finally get into new stuff that excites us, to finally finish these personal projects we’ve abandoned halfway through the past year.
Even though I’ve always strongly disliked NYE and this ceaseless pressure to be social, I count myself as one of them that wait for somebody – or something – else to give them permission to change for the better. Maybe that’s why what could be a beautiful tradition becomes so nervewracking – we all know that we own this validity already; that we are already valid to change according to our own values and desires. We also know, that after NYE, shit will most likely still be the same. There are like these 2% of society that actually turn around their lives for good, telling tales of “that one Special NYE in 2015” that changed everything, leaving all of us in awe and jealousy.

However, the calendar given end of a year is still an important part of my own personal mental hygiene and maintenance. If our concept of time just kept passing without there being any culturally imposed endings and beginnings – man, we’d be stuck in just one gigantic black hole. I believe the human brain needs a structure that brings chapters to an end; to open up new ones. We all carry this need for closure in us.
And so, regardless of being like zero festive this year, I was and am very glad for this weird 2018 finally closing its doors.

Actually, I liked the number 2018 much more than 2019. It had a strong calming vibe, seemed like a year you could trust. It turned out to be a nervewracking collateral damage; transforming my own personality into something – different. Particularly the last two thirds of the year took all sparks of creativity within me; all hope for the positive; and literally took my humour and my ability to cope with things in a humorous way.
As a highly sensitive person like me, everything’s always a bit harder than for others; not because things are worse objectively, but because we let them really close to our heart and they use up a really big part of our lives, focus and attention.


In October of 2018, my life would change for the better. Had I known that back in summer, maybe I would not have allowed the circumstances around me to impact me in such a way that I actually lost myself. So for the past 2 months after moving apartments, I tried my best to get back on my feet, to find back to my own self.
I failed, numerous times. Because the coping mechanisms and personality structures you appropriate to yourself in 1 year in order to manage won’t just go away in 2 months.

It took me some time to realise that. And I’d been so, so glad about 2018 ending. Because even though it’s just my calendar telling me that a new chapter is waiting, it feels like I’m valid to tell all the crap of 2018 Goodbye, and to welcome a new and successful year.

I’ll see you then, and I hope all your wildest dreams for this year come true. ❤

~ Mercy Ferrars

Neues Jahr, neue Bücher… neue Ideen!

Published Work, Thoughts

Da geht 2018 schon mit festen Schritten aufs Ende zu, und ich plane zwei Veröffentlichungen, die allerdings noch darauf warten, geschrieben zu werden. Dennoch wurde ich öfter gefragt, was ich denn als Nächstes so veröffentlichen werde – hier also ein kleines Update.

Superempathische Helden

Ich bin im Augenblick an der Arbeit, meinen Storyarch für meinen neuen Roman zusammen zu basteln. Meine Herangehensweise ist dieses Mal ganz anders als sonst – natürlich bin ich auch jetzt von Gefühlen und Impulsen geflutet, doch anstatt diesen sofort nachzugeben, setze ich nun mehr Fokus auf die Geschichte, die ich erzählen möchte, und versuche mich mehr auf die Entwicklung der Handlung zu konzentrieren. Natürlich wird es wie in all meinen Geschichten einen reichhaltigen stream of consciousness geben… Mercy Ferrars wäre nicht Mercy Ferrars, wenn’s nicht so wäre!

Zu viel mag ich an dieser Stelle noch nicht verraten, da ich selbst auch noch gar nicht so genau weiß, wie am Ende alles aussehen wird.
Mein Protagonist, den ich allerdings jetzt schon liebe, wird aber Teil eines Heldenepos, der durch und durch nach Mercy Ferrars klingen wird, also leichfüßig aber gleichzeitig schwer, und sehr auf emotionales Erleben ausgerichtet sein wird. Nach all den Jahren des Schreibens muss ich eingestehen, dass mich Liebesgeschichten, vor allem das ewig ausgeschlachtete Muster “boy meets girl” nicht mehr sonderlich interessieren (wobei mein Herz unfassbar für lgbt+ lovestories wie Call Me By Your Name schlägt); weil die Emotionen, die man dort als Autor ausarbeitet, immer und immer die ermüdend gleichen sind. Stattdessen möchte ich mich nun an den Emotionen orientieren und leiten lassen, die sich beim Schauen von Doctor Who in meinem Herz aufbauen – losgelöst von Romantik und Liebe, oder zumindest losgelöst von unserer krampfhaften Idee davon. Aller Vermutung nach also kein Boy Meets Girl – aber mein Antiheld wird dennoch sehr viel empfinden.

“Sie nannten mich ein Kind des Winters…”

Da einen Roman zu schreiben einige Zeit in Anspruch nimmt, ich kommendes Jahr aber dennoch erneut am Storyteller Award teilnehmen möchte, habe ich mir überlegt, einen Lyrikband zu veröffentlichen. Nun ist die wenige Lyrik, die ich schreibe, nicht wirklich klassische Lyrik. Sie folgt keinem Versmaß und reimt sich nicht. Eher sind es Gedanken in schlichten, treffenden Sätzen, aus der Tiefe meiner Seele. Ich überlege noch, wie dieser Band aussehen wird und werde euch regelmäßige Updates zukommen lassen – oder es zumindest versuchen, da ich momentan sehr viel Schreibarbeit an anderen Stellen leisten muss. Aber es sind ja auch noch einige Monate bis es wieder Mai ist, und wieder Zeit für den Storyteller.

Bis bald,

eure Mercy Ferrars